Satire: Commuters get no chance to nap

By Conway Lynch
Contributing Writer

I’m exhausted. I need to take a nap, but it’s 12 p.m., and my next class is at 2 p.m. So, what’s the problem? Why not just go back to my place? Here’s the thing, I live 45-minutes away from KU. So, if I went home I’d have a half-hour, tops, to get some rest.

It’s just not worth it—you know I can’t afford all that gas. No, rather than drive home, I propose that the university invests in plastic beds for commuters to nap on.

How did I come to this conclusion you may ask? Well, it’s been on my mind for quite some time now, but I’ll tell you about the final nail in my coffin without bedding.

It was a day like any other – well aside from the fact that I went to bed around 4 a.m.—I woke up at 7:30 a.m., showered, brushed my teeth, and put on the same pants from the day before.

For about 15-minutes, I sat at my kitchen table contemplating whether or not breakfast truly is the most important meal of the day. After deciding that Cheerios couldn’t possibly pull me out of this endless nightmare I call my best years, I got in my car and headed to KU.

I hardly got through my first two classes. My professors probably considered contacting public safety, because I kept slapping my face murmuring, “This is easy, this is easy.” I needed to sleep; there was no way I could go to my next class like that.

The commuter lounge located in room 317 of the MSU – Photo courtesy of the MSU

My friend recommended the commuter lounge. I’d never been there, so I figured why not.

The lounge was barren. There were two people sitting alone on opposite sides of the room, and when I walked in both of them looked at me like I was the first living person they’d seen in years. After realizing that there wasn’t any life behind my sunken eyes, they went back to filling out their parking ticket appeals.

Sleeping there wasn’t an option—they’d probably eat me if I gave them the chance. No, I was going to Old Main. My next class was there, and the custodial staff was already acquainted with me as a seemingly homeless student.

I slept for one dreadfully uncomfortable half hour, my eyes never fully shut as I had to look out for backpack thieves. After getting hardly any rest, I went to class with crusty eyes and a broken back.

This shouldn’t be the only way for a commuter to a take a nap. Please, invest in some cots or something. With a nice nap in between classes, I think commuter productivity would skyrocket, everyone on campus would become friends and tuition would be free. But, maybe I’m just daydreaming.

Categories: Freeform, Uncategorized