Q: My roommate/suitemate and his/her partner tend to be very loud during sex. I’m really good friends with my roommate, so I don’t want this situation to ruin our friendship. What is the best way to address this issue?
A: There are many ways to respectfully bring up this topic. First, don’t come to your roommate angry. Make sure to address this issue sooner rather than later. Second, bring some suggestions to help find a solution you both can live with. This way, hopefully both parties can walk away happy and not more annoyed at each other.
The Keystone staff has come up with a few helpful tips to bring up during the discussion:
(1) Have sex while your roommate is not in the apartment. This would probably be the best possible way to avoid conflict.
(2) Develop some sort of code message, either in text form or in another way, to let your roommate/suitemate know that you hear them and are politely asking them to quiet down. Another example involves blasting a particular song that they would hear through your very thin walls. Our suggestion is “Surfin’ Bird” by The Trashmen. No one is in the mood after hearing a verse of that song.
(3) Give them some sort of visual (like the classic tie or rubber band on your doorknob) that you are having some alone, sexy time with your partner. This only qualifies if you two actually share a room.
(4) Do not actively seek revenge through the same actions. This will only lead to more arguing and tension between you and your roommate.
The most important thing to remember is to plan things out. If you and a roommate actually share a dorm room, be respectful and don’t make him/her leave in the middle of the night just because you want to get it on.