Freeform

Valentine’s Day: Single

You know, for such a short month, February sure has a lot going on: Black History Month, President’s Day, Groundhog Day, and Super Bowl Sunday. Then of course, there’s Valentine’s Day, which tends to have a love/hate following. Me? I’m pretty neutral about it. Like Super Bowl Sunday, Valentine’s Day is just another day in the (incredibly dreary) month of February.

My neutrality about the holiday is most likely due to the fact that it just seems arbitrary. I mean, who decided that February 14 is more romantic than say, May 29 or April 11? I know, I know, there’s the whole ‘St. Valentine’ aspect, but let’s be real: you’re not thinking about saints when making dinner reservations or buying Conversation Hearts in bulk (does anyone even like those things?) It’s not that I have a problem with the holiday per se, but it does seem a wee bit silly that people get so caught up in it. But, then again, who am I to begrudge the happiness of others?

However, there is one aspect of Valentine’s Day that I particularly enjoy: the Facebook statuses. For some reason, Valentine’s Day inspires extreme outpouring of emotions. I find that they tend to be either extremely nauseating or extremely pathetic. So, for your reading pleasure, I’ve taken the liberty to share with you some of my favorites, remembered (ok, completely fabricated) from Valentine’s Days past.

The nauseating:

“My pooky-wooky is the best!”- From the person who obviously doesn’t understand that social media and pet names do not mix; give it a month and this person’s status will no longer read ‘In a relationship.’

“OMG! I have the SWEETEST bf ever! Luv u babe xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo”- From almost every college girl ever. This is usually followed by a picture of some spectacularly generic present – a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, a (pass the barf bag) teddy bear. It’s still sweet, I get it. But all of Facebook doesn’t need to see it.

“Having a romantic dinner at Red Lobster with the sexiest wife a guy could ask for.”- From your dad. Look, I get that parents are people too, and it is truly sweet that they still love each other after all these years. Nevertheless, no one wants to see the word sexy in connection with their parents.

Now, for my personal favorites, the pathetic:

“:Expletive:Expletive:Expletive:”- From the especially bitter recent divorcee.

“Guys suck.” –Self-explanatory

“At the end of the day, all women care about is how much you spend on them. At the pub with my bros.”- From the frat guy who clearly isn’t interested in getting any on Valentine’s Day or any other day.

“The only guys I need are Ben and Jerry.”- From the friend who is single and clearly not loving it.

Miscellaneous:

“Sweet! My blow-up doll of Betty White just arrived!”- Followed by (oh dear God) a picture, and a swift click of the ‘defriend’ button.

So you see, even though it’s not as exciting as Groundhog Day or Christmas, there is something for everyone on Valentine’s Day. For some, a romantic gesture from their loved one; for others, a pint of Cherry Garcia and the complete first season of Gilmore Girls. For me, taking pleasure in poking fun at it all. And of course, the creeper with the blow-up doll.

By Jen Weiss

Categories: Freeform