By The Keystone Newspaper Recalling my mission to acquire a bagel
By Grant Rambo
As a student, I often find myself having to balance time between classes, assignments, and other means of work. But one thing I cannot forget is food. Now the on-campus eating spaces such as South Dining Hall, the Academic Forum, and Cub Cafe are all excellent places to dine, but what if a student wants to add a bit of adventure to their meal?
That is where the town in Kutztown comes in.
Far too often I forget that a short stride away from campus is a wide array of shops, stores, restaurants, and other places of interest. One such place that could satisfy my hunger would be the Bagel Bar Cafe. Situated along Main Street and nestled nicely in between Strausser Alley and Noble Street is where one can find this hidden gem. The place is (unsurprisingly) most notable for its broad selection of bagels, and their respective toppings, and bagel buns.
So, with my destination selected, and my stomach giving a little rumble, I diverted from my typical path parallel to the DMZ, and made an abrupt turn along Old Main, intent on heading into town for a good ol’ bagel.
What could go wrong?
A lot apparently, but we’re not there yet.
My body rigid due to the unrelenting bite of the crisp fall air, I found my fingers clenching in the pockets of my jacket, and my entire torso on the verge of freezing over. Down the slant of Main Street, I heard the roar of cars and the distant chatter of fellow students coming up and down beside me. And something that tends to surprise me every time I journey into the heart of Kutztown, is how absolutely long the walk from Kutztown University to my desired destination actually is. Eventually, however, I did find my cafe, and after snapping a few photos from outside, I trotted into the place with the graceful glory only a lanky 6 foot, 2-inch man could provide.
Relishing in the warmth of the Bagel Bar Cafe’s interior, I strode past a family happily talking among themselves. The cafe had the kind of ambience I find most soothing. Upon approaching the counter and taking a brief moment to figure out my order, the kind and beaming cashier asked what I would like.
Now, due to my hunger, and the fact I was still freezing, in combination with my mind distracted by preparing itself for my next class to come (which I could not afford to use up any more time than necessary lest I invite being late), I gave my order to the smiling employee.
And please…forgive me for what you’re about to read next…I know I never will. I’ll likely have nightmares about this for the next few years.
I asked if I could have an “everything bagel” with a “sesame bun.”
The cashier cocked his head slightly and it took me until his explanation to know what had gone wrong.
He politely and nicely pointed out that what I ordered made no sense, and he explained that the “everything bagel” and the “sesame bun” were both kinds of bagels.
A simple mistake one would assume right?
Right…?
Wrong…oh so wrong…
Not properly comprehending what the kind fellow was telling me, I continued to believe that the “everything” bagel automatically included the added toppings and condiments of the whole bagel itself. And I had once again requested my sesame bun to go with the “everything.”
The cashier’s face grew more confused.
And I felt my heart get smacked with the cold realization of truth.
Forget about condiments: meat, cheeses, veggies. It was life and death now.
So, giving myself a half-laugh, I simply went with the everything bagel…
Then the cashier asked what else I would like with it.
Again…I failed to realize that the “everything” in the “everything bagel” DID NOT LITERALLY MEAN EVERYTHING WAS ALREADY ON THE BAGEL.
Fighting the urge to spin on my heel and walk away, I mustered what dignity I had left, and simply asked for plain cream cheese. Nothing else.
No bacon. No American cheese. Nothing.
The moment came to its much-desired conclusion, as I handed him the cash and I took my seat. As if putting myself in the “time out corner,” I pulled out my stool, and plopped down in defeat.
I may have survived, but my self-respect did not.
I prayed that the bagel was worth the sacrifice.
Taking in the scenery, I saw the soft glow of the overhanging light bulbs compliment the natural pale lighting of the outside world. Fake plants hung and crawled around from various angles and elevations. Gentle country music floated around from an unseen source. And finally, another member of the cafe’s staff approached, a pleasant young lady who called out softly, “Grant?”
Receiving my warm bagel, I clasped it dearly, fending off the stabbing throb of the cold which still permeated my hands. Peeling apart the silvery wrapping of my long-awaited treat, I parted the halves of my toasty everything bagel with cool cream cheese. The numerous spices of the buns were exquisite with a fine tang which danced splendidly along with the zest of the cream cheese.
Knowing that the most difficult part was behind me, I began to relax, until I dropped half the bagel onto bare wood. I almost gave the distinct sigh of a man’s soul giving up. I tucked the dropped half of the bagel into the aluminum foil and finished off its counterpart half.
The mission was a success…a botched one at that thanks to yours truly. But a success, nonetheless.
Walking out of the Bagel Bar Cafe, and greeting the cold air once again, I made my way back to KU, knowing full well that I will remember this as my latest fumbling of orders at the same cafe where I managed to screw up more than once before already on different occasions.
I recommend the Bagel Bar Cafe not only to anyone who finds themselves a bagel fan, but also to anyone who would like to dine at a place that offers ambience, warmth, and a courteous staff.
At least one moral can be gleaned from my mission to the Bagel Bar Cafe.
That moral being that at this point, perhaps the Bagel Bar Cafe will be known as the “place where Grant Rambo can’t order anything without completely butchering his own order.”