Freeform

Satire: Four fantastic Halloween costume ideas

By Conway Lynch
Staff Writer

Halloween is creeping up on us quickly, and I for one haven’t planned what my costume will be this year. I anticipate being invited to a slew of spooky parties, and I want to make sure my costume turns heads. I’m not self-centered, and I cherish my readers, so I decided to share my ideas with you guys so that you can look your best this Halloween, too.

A Gritty / Avalanche Love Child

The internet is obsessed with the Flyers mascot, Gritty. My first thought was a home crafted Gritty costume, but I wanted to make it more relatable for the KU student body—put a little golden twist on Gritty, you know?

That’s when it hit me: a Gritty/Avalanche love child, Gravalanche. Gravalanche would have Gritty’s lovable, albeit assertively piercing, eyes and Avalanche’s dopey mound of a snout.

I seriously believe Gravalanche would be a hit at any Halloween party. In fact, if I make the costume I don’t think I’ll be able to take it off. Ever.

A student depiction of “Gravalanche,” the Gritty-Avalanche mash-up costume – Illustration courtesy of Michael Tripoli

Literally Anything Other Than a Moth Meme

The moth meme is, in my opinion, the worst thing that happened in 2018, and there were several global atrocities. I’ve never been subjected to such an unfunny meme so many times. It got out of hand, to the point where people were trying to force a beaver meme. I’m sure I speak for everyone brighter than a lamp when I say, please, please no moth meme costumes. If you must dress as an insect, at least make it region specific and seriously haunting: a spotted lanternfly.

A Cat

I know what you’re thinking, “Jeez, not very inspired,” but hold on a second, let me explain. I’m not talking about the typical risqué cat.

No, I’m talking about a fully realized cat transition. This would involve some serious surgical alterations and could run you upwards of $200,000— that’s what Dennis “Stalking Cat” Avner spent on body modifications in hopes of becoming a tiger—but since we’re going for more of a house cat look, I’d imagine one could get the price down to $150,000 easy.

Be Yourself

We all walk around cloaked in a public façade, but maybe this Halloween you shed the shield and show the world your true self. I know it will be hard; trust me, I haven’t been myself in years, but this costume — or lack thereof — could be genuinely therapeutic.

 

Categories: Freeform, Uncategorized

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